02.34
Thopoles
The holidays are approaching fast, and you are vastly unprepared. I'm not talking about Christmas presents, buddy. I'm talking about your entire home filling up to the brim with family members who you can only stand in small doses. There is nowhere to run, because they are in your home. Like termites, they eat your house from the inside out. There is a plan, though. A devious way to manipulate your family into taking over the job of hosting Christmas, and the key lies in the Christmas attire you choose to wear.
You absolutely have to get the ball rolling on this plan right now. There are thousands of terrible, evil Christmas shirts you can buy on the Internet by people who hold no regard for the sanctity of the season. You have to make your family believe you are one of these kinds of people.
You love your family, I know. That's why you don't want to drive them away forever with something completely awful. You mainly want to make them uneasy around you and instill enough of a shock that they have to consider finding a new place to gather when the next Christmas rolls around. This way, you can always just leave when the stress of your family gets too much...and it probably will.
No, you shouldn't get a Christmas shirt that will alienate your family forever...just for a little while. For instance, you could get a shirt that simply says, "Hey Kids! There Is No Santa!" If a statement like that doesn't cause a little controversy, then your family isn't as high-strung as you thought and the Holidays should be pretty fun.
If you wear a Christmas shirt like this and all hell breaks loose, then proceed with the original plan. In all fairness, this plan will probably start a bit of a fight. No one likes fighting during Christmas, but that's why we instigated this plan anyway, right? You were going to fight with your family eventually, so you might as well get it out of the way. Once enough of a controversy takes place and cooler heads prevail, you can remind everyone that Christmas would be much better spent at someone else's house next year. Mission accomplished. You may spend a few awkward hours around your family this Christmas, but the future will be so much brighter for the Holiday seasons to come. Take that, Ghost of Christmas Future.
You absolutely have to get the ball rolling on this plan right now. There are thousands of terrible, evil Christmas shirts you can buy on the Internet by people who hold no regard for the sanctity of the season. You have to make your family believe you are one of these kinds of people.
You love your family, I know. That's why you don't want to drive them away forever with something completely awful. You mainly want to make them uneasy around you and instill enough of a shock that they have to consider finding a new place to gather when the next Christmas rolls around. This way, you can always just leave when the stress of your family gets too much...and it probably will.
No, you shouldn't get a Christmas shirt that will alienate your family forever...just for a little while. For instance, you could get a shirt that simply says, "Hey Kids! There Is No Santa!" If a statement like that doesn't cause a little controversy, then your family isn't as high-strung as you thought and the Holidays should be pretty fun.
If you wear a Christmas shirt like this and all hell breaks loose, then proceed with the original plan. In all fairness, this plan will probably start a bit of a fight. No one likes fighting during Christmas, but that's why we instigated this plan anyway, right? You were going to fight with your family eventually, so you might as well get it out of the way. Once enough of a controversy takes place and cooler heads prevail, you can remind everyone that Christmas would be much better spent at someone else's house next year. Mission accomplished. You may spend a few awkward hours around your family this Christmas, but the future will be so much brighter for the Holiday seasons to come. Take that, Ghost of Christmas Future.
About the Author:
To fill your brain about a hilarious Christmas clothing go to funny Seasonal t-shirts to see how it's done right.
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